Time for a Change

It is really awesome how God uses people in your life isn't it? I mean honestly God just took a bad situation that caused alot of heartache and increased my brokenness and taught me something. He used this person to intervene in my life, he used used them to give me a little knock on the head like a "could have had a V8 moment."

Lately, I know I have been falling away from my true self. I have been lashing out at people and saying hurtful things. It was just my way of dealing with everything. Why hurt by myself when I can make someone else hurt too? I didn't do this on purpose. It just has been a coping mechanism that I have used since I was younger. It all goes back to when I was bullied. I put all of these things in my mind that the way you make yourself feel better is either A. make people feel good about themselves and make other people happy to cope or B. make them just as miserable as I was. It was either one or the other. I would lash out and hurt the ones I love, and then turn around and try to build them up. I would destroy then try to rebuild.

I realize now that I have been doing this. It is just time for a new perspective on everything. IT IS TIME FOR A CHANGE. It is time to be reborn.  It is time to become that wonderful man of God that I know I can be because I have been there. This is my valley. I once again am starting to climb my way out. I am starting to change my heart, and not let myself be my own worst enemy. I might fail, and I might fall back into old habits, but I am determined to make myself better. I am determined and inspired to go back to what the Lord has called me to do. That is to be the most loving, kind, light-hearted, strong, and friendly person I can be.

I also have learned that I need to stick up for myself, and not be that doormat that people trample over and think they can just say whatever they want to me and I will not care at all. I am a heartfelt and loving person yes, but there comes a point when I need to stand up and look my enemies in the eye and say "I love you, but I am not going to take this." This is the journey back to my true and happy self. I know what I need to do, and who I need in my life. That person I need is God. I know he is there and I know he is working through all of these situations to shape us into beautiful children of God.

Dear heavenly and merciful God, I just ask this afternoon that you work in my heart and begin the healing process as I have stripped myself down to the bare essentials of faith, family, and friends. It is just a wonderful thing to see you work through your children and see you work in my life. I love you and love all the people you have put in my life. No matter if they have hurt me, or loved me. I just ask today that you lift up our hearts and tear down all of these barriers we put up to keep each other out. I ask that you continue to shape me into that stable man that you call me to be. Walk in front of us, behind us, beside us, and in us. Be that rock and that fortress that we all draw strength from. In everything we do and everything we say, we glorify and serve your most precious and holy name. Amen.