Hey all...well I just really feel called to tell you all my story, and of how I have gotten to this point in my relationship with Jesus Christ and with God. The story I am about to tell you is one of redemption heartache, and then redemption again.
My story really begins like most people's lives, with birth. HAHA Funny, right? Honestly though, to really understand and know my story I need to introduce you to my family. I have an awesome family, loving parents, and two awesome younger brothers. (Zac and Nick) Anyway, honestly though my story or walk with Jesus Christ really didn't start until I was about five years old. Back then, I really didn't grasp Jesus Christ and the term "miracle" or even God at that point in my life, but he definitely made an impact on my life. My brother, Nick was at the ripe age of 2 back then, and something unimaginable happened to him. He was diagnosed with leukemia. I mean a two year old with leukemia? Why does the Lord do that? Why do those things happen to good people? Innocent people? I didn't really understand this, but by the grace of God my brother overcame cancer and is now living today and is a freshman in high-school. (For all you TEC friends of mine out there he is going through in January so look for him.) My response to this outstanding display of love was not really a good one. I turned away from the Lord, I didn't take that miracle to heart, and didn't use that situation to glorify Him instead I took it for granted. That was the first of 3 instances in my life where the Lord had blessed me with something, and then I looked at him and literally spat in his face.
The 2nd instance in my life happened sometime later. I was in 5th grade, and during this time in my life. I was not the skinniest of kids because of my size I was made fun of. I was compared to large animals like Rhinos and Hippos. To this day, I still am insecure about my size because of what these people said to me. It is something I struggle with everyday. The name calling pushed me to the brink, and when I was in the summer of my 5th grade year I decided that I couldn't take it anymore. I decided as a 5th grader to commit suicide. I was pushed deep into a depression based upon what others said to me,and I let that push to the only option I thought I had. Suicide. I am going to tell you this though, I was met by the Lord at this point. I heard his voice, kinda, he was working through my family, to show me that there are a lot of people that care about me, and love me very much. I couldn't do it, and I didn't. You would think that I would have turned my life over to God there right? Wrong I didn't...that comes later.
I was still in a depression though, and when I was depressed I just had this GOD sized hole in my heart. I spent the two years going into middle-school trying to cope with the depression. My 7th grade year though I found something that made me feel less insecure about myself. I tried filling my heart with lust and pornography. It drew me in, and never let go. It was a temporary mask of my pain, kinda like a pain killer that doesn't get rid of the cause of the pain, but it hides it and masks it. I thought I was good, going to youth group, and to church related things like confirmation, but when I got home I would sit in front of the computer screen in order to compensate for the pain in my heart. I didn't really even realize what I was doing until I was in high-school. When I started wanting a more in depth relationship with Christ. The Holy Spirit showed me that this was a bad thing in my life. I was not being a real man. I was looking at women as a source of lust, and as a sex symbol. I idolized them and put the women I saw on the screen as a source of compassion, and I got some sort of pleasure out of the whole thing. It just was the seeking of happiness to fill my hole in my heart. I tried filling my heart with worldly things, when the one thing that would do that is Jesus Christ. I am not going to tell you that I don't struggle with lust now, but it is substantially better than it was before.
That was my life before I accepted Jesus into my life. After, I can say that he has transformed my mess that I described to you above into a message. Once I accepted the Lord and the Holy Spirit into my heart, I felt him slowly soften my heart, and begin to show me all my sin in my life. I am not perfect though. I can tell you that right now. I make mistakes and I sin still, but I know that with the Holy Spirit working inside me I can overcome that sin because Jesus made us perfect. He made us white as snow. I am a work in progress, and the Lord is chiseling me into an awesome man of God.
That is my story. That is how I came to Christ, and how I have been redeemed through him. Even though, I turned him away multiple times after he blessed my life. He still loves me, and accepts me for who I am. I love him, and he loves me beyond my imagination. He loves you too. Accept that gift of grace in your heart, and grow in relationship with him. It totally is amazing to see what he does in your life. Amen.
