Time for a Change

It is really awesome how God uses people in your life isn't it? I mean honestly God just took a bad situation that caused alot of heartache and increased my brokenness and taught me something. He used this person to intervene in my life, he used used them to give me a little knock on the head like a "could have had a V8 moment."

Lately, I know I have been falling away from my true self. I have been lashing out at people and saying hurtful things. It was just my way of dealing with everything. Why hurt by myself when I can make someone else hurt too? I didn't do this on purpose. It just has been a coping mechanism that I have used since I was younger. It all goes back to when I was bullied. I put all of these things in my mind that the way you make yourself feel better is either A. make people feel good about themselves and make other people happy to cope or B. make them just as miserable as I was. It was either one or the other. I would lash out and hurt the ones I love, and then turn around and try to build them up. I would destroy then try to rebuild.

I realize now that I have been doing this. It is just time for a new perspective on everything. IT IS TIME FOR A CHANGE. It is time to be reborn.  It is time to become that wonderful man of God that I know I can be because I have been there. This is my valley. I once again am starting to climb my way out. I am starting to change my heart, and not let myself be my own worst enemy. I might fail, and I might fall back into old habits, but I am determined to make myself better. I am determined and inspired to go back to what the Lord has called me to do. That is to be the most loving, kind, light-hearted, strong, and friendly person I can be.

I also have learned that I need to stick up for myself, and not be that doormat that people trample over and think they can just say whatever they want to me and I will not care at all. I am a heartfelt and loving person yes, but there comes a point when I need to stand up and look my enemies in the eye and say "I love you, but I am not going to take this." This is the journey back to my true and happy self. I know what I need to do, and who I need in my life. That person I need is God. I know he is there and I know he is working through all of these situations to shape us into beautiful children of God.

Dear heavenly and merciful God, I just ask this afternoon that you work in my heart and begin the healing process as I have stripped myself down to the bare essentials of faith, family, and friends. It is just a wonderful thing to see you work through your children and see you work in my life. I love you and love all the people you have put in my life. No matter if they have hurt me, or loved me. I just ask today that you lift up our hearts and tear down all of these barriers we put up to keep each other out. I ask that you continue to shape me into that stable man that you call me to be. Walk in front of us, behind us, beside us, and in us. Be that rock and that fortress that we all draw strength from. In everything we do and everything we say, we glorify and serve your most precious and holy name. Amen.

Background Singers

Hey there lads and lasses. I am not going to waste anytime and just jump right into it, so here we go. Lately, I have really been doing alot of self-analysis. I know that this is going to help me in my journey to find myself because it will help me mature, not put so much raw emotion into decisions, but instead think things through more logically. When I have been doing this, I have noticed a change. That change being that I see a whole new perspective. Instead of seeing things in my emotion-filled and narrow mind, I am seeing things in a more open and understanding mindset. It really frees yourself to endless possibilities. To stop over thinking every situation and applying soo much raw emotion into every decision and into relationships or whatever you might be thinking about. It brings peace to my mind. It brings me closer to God because I am really letting HIS will be done and not mine. I am not forcing things, and letting the Lord take the lead.

As one of my favorite Christian-rappers Lecrae said in one of his songs:

I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And you could take the lead

We all are just the background singers to God. We don't have to be the best of the best, or the cream of the crop of singers, but we are good enough to be in the band that God has created. WE ARE ACCEPTED. We just need to put our arrogance and thirst for the lime-light behind us and humble ourselves to what God really wants us to be.

Being a background singer does not mean we are perfect. We all are hypocrites, we sin, we make mistakes. We sometimes don't harmonize together well, but that is all put away and doesn't matter when God's voice rocks your socks off.

We are God's background singers and in the same situation, so why call out each others imperfections, when we are all in the same boat of brokenness and hypocrisy? God calls us to be better than the average teenager. He calls us to be mature in our faith, and in the way we act towards each other. That doesn't mean we always are, but if we strive towards that and actually work towards that ultimate goal then we are humbling ourselves to God's will. We are the Lord's background singers. We let him take the lead and blow away the crowd while he uses each one of our special gifts to add to the wonderful song known as the Grace of God. Amen.

You are the Glue

Hey there all my friends and readers. I hope you all are ready for another post here because it has been a while since my last one. Let it begin. Well, I just returned from the youth gathering in NOLA and I can tell you one thing that is for sure. I loved it. The feeling of 33,000 other of your peers worshiping God and spreading the love of Jesus Christ is undescribable. It was just unbelieveable. It left me speechless. God was present and moving in me and my group. I got to bond with some of my best of friends, people I know that I can turn to in my low points, and people that I will always love and cherish in my heart. Some of these people I have never really gotten to know outside of the "Hey how are you doing?" relationship, but I can offically say that all of these people are my brothers and sisters.

I am not going lie though, my week was not all rainbows and unicorns. I had my share of pits. The biggest of these pits came on Saturday night when during the Superdome worship I was hit by this profound combination of exhaustion and fear. The fear came from the fact that I finally realized that this trip is the last and final trip I would be taking with my youth group, and because I thought about this I began to get even more afraid of going to college and being so far away from them. I will not have that support system of friends that I have leaned on over the years. I will not be able to whenever I am down to just call up accouple of my closest of friends and ask "Do you wanna hang out?" The reason I ask them to do stuff is to take my mind off of myself, and to just let everything go. The feeling that no matter I have done or no matter what I talk about or do that these people will be there is soooo comforting to me and brings me strength. It just really frightend me. To lose what I have now. I know that it will be good and allow me to branch out and become and even better person and guy, but I am going to miss what I have right now so much. It is really hard to explain and I am sorry if you dont understand this.

I tell you what though. After that worship service, we were walking back to the hotel and everyone else in my group went to this dance. I was so glad I chose not to go to that dance. Here is why. It gave me time to myself. It gave me time to just get away from everybody and just have a straight up bro to bro talk with God. I mean, I sat in my hotel room looked up and sobbed. I sat in my room and cried like a little baby because I just didnt understand what was going on with me and why I was feeling this way. I am to emotional I guess, but it just felt good to release all the pent up stuff and I heard the voice of God that night. If you haven't heard that voice ever in your life. It is completely and utterly fantastic. He didn't actually say something to me, but he did use a random bible opening session to really open my eyes.

I just opened up my bible that night and I turned to the book of Isaiah and the first verse I read was from chapter 54 verse 11. It says, "Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with lapis lazuli."

Wow. After I read that, dont ask me why, but I felt a complete and utter peace go flowing through my body. I began to see that eventhough we as people have been lashed and broken by the storm known as life, the Lord will rebuild us and make us even stronger and even more beautiful in the end.

We go through so much in our lives, whether it be lonliness, insecurities, bullying, brokeness, relationship problems, or any type of abuse. The world is cruel and increases the brokeness we all have, but let me tell you something. The Lord our God by the blood of his Son Jesus Christ fills in that brokeness. He uses our strengths, weakness, short-comings, failures, brokeness, and our PTL moments to glorify his name. I compare it to this. I think that we as humans are like a broken mirror. It is broken and cannot be put back together without some type of glue that is when God comes in. He is that glue that will fill in all of the brokeness of your heart and bring it all together again. He holds us together and keeps us whole. Just like the mirror needs the glue to keep it together. We need God, the Father, to hold us together with his eternal love and grace that will fill each and everyone of our hearts.

Father, I just ask this evening that you help all of the pain of this world and that instead of hate and pain that we can continue to spread the love that you have shown us that unconditional AGAPE love that is never failing. I also want to thank you for all that you do in my life and in everyone of our lives because you are perfect. You are beyond incredible to me and I love you so much. I just want you to continue to bless all of us in whatever way you feel suited because it isnt our will be done it is YOUR will be done. Use each of us to be the heartbeat and the life blood to that Agape Love. Work through us because it is most definitely your work and our hands to use. I bring all of this to you in your most holy name. Amen

Perfectly Imperfect

Hey there all mi amigos y amigas. Well here is just another one of those posts that seems to just come on to me randomly about just thoughts that go through my head. The only way for me to really get these things out of my head is to either one talk about it or two write about it on here. So, tonight or this morning whatever you prefer, I choose to write about it on here like most of the time.

So today, I have just noticed alot of heart-ache and brokenness in this world. Not only just in the world but also in my age group of high school to college age. I see all of the brokenness around us and I look at myself. I see brokenness as well. I see someone who is timid, insecure about his image, and is emotional. I continued to ponder about this today while I was in my driveway shooting baskets and I came to this determination.

WE ARE ALL BROKEN.

Each and everyone of us is broken in our own way, it doesn't matter if it is physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. Each of us has our battles and our brokenness that we carry with us no matter who we are with or where we go. That isn't all that we carry with us though.

We also carry the thought of knowing that we are only human, and even though we are broken that we are PERFECT in the eyes of God. He created each and every cell in our bodies the way he wanted us. He made our personalities the way he wanted. He made our paths of life the way that he wanted. You want to know something else? GOD DOESN'T MAKE MISTAKES!

 Perfectly made by an even more PERFECT CREATOR. Since we were perfectly made, then why do I have all of these imperfections? To tell you the truth, God doesn't think that you have any imperfections. We are the ones who make our selves imperfect. We put ourselves down. We bash on each other. We believe the things Satan tells us and falter.

We might not be perfect in each others eyes, but in God's eyes we are the most beautiful and perfect thing he has ever laid his all seeing eyes upon. So, the next time you feel down and broken, look yourself in the mirror and say "I am PERFECTLY IMPERFECT, and I love it that way."

Dear Father, I just ask this morning that you heal all of the brokenness in this world and that you show all of us that we were perfectly made by you. I also ask that you help all of us realize that we are all broken in our own ways, but that our brokenness is a part of us and was perfectly placed by you. I just want you to thank you tonight for showing me that I will never be perfect and that it is okay. I love you and want your almighty power and grace to endure. Amen.

Keep On Punching

Well hello there, and welcome to the next edition of Tyler's Brain. Narrated and written and thought up by yours truly. Anyway, past the corny introductions. OK so I am going to start out this post with how I am doing since my last post. Well, I am glad to share that I am back on track with myself. I have accepted that I don't really know all there is to know about myself yet, and that it is OK. I have been praying really hard lately about all the things that we as followers of Christ are put through and the Lord for some reason put the image of a boxing match into my mind. I continued praying and trying to interpret all the things I was seeing. This post is about what I saw and interpreting it.

So, I was praying out on the front stoop of my house and I have been consistently asking God about all the trials and tribulations we as followers are put through. I didn't get an answer for the first couple of weeks and finally yesterday an image came into my mind. This image was of a boxing ring and one corner of the ring was glowing with a bright white light and the other corner was dark and smoldering. I figured right away that it was the usual "God vs. Satan" type deal, but as I continued examining the image in my mind I saw what it really was. It wasn't God against Satan it was ME.

Holy Poop! I am in a boxing ring with Satan and am about to let loose with a wicked right-cross upon his smug little mug? I didn't really understand it, but I pondered on it and let it percolate in my mind.

This is what was percolated.

I wasn't alone. I remember seeing my side of the ring being of light, and Satan's being dark and gloomy. There was only one explanation for that. God was in my corner, and was pulling for me. He was and always is supporting me. God isn't the only one supporting us and loving on us. Jesus is also in our corner. He is our trainer, he was the one who showed us what love is and how to walk through the valley of the shadow of death. He has beaten Satan before and has been preparing/training us to fight our battle. If we follow by his example that he set before us then we to will beat Satan.

Think about your own battles with all of your demons. Each and every single one of them is a round of that boxing match with Satan. You just got to keep rolling with the punches and go by the example Jesus has set before us. If you keep on keeping on your hand will be raised in victory and you will be capable of anything.

Dear God, I just want to lift up your name here tonight for showing me that every single one of these battles we face is for a reason. It is a trial and temptation that Satan puts in our lives to pull us away from you. I just want to thank you for all your love and support through my battle. You are truly loved by me. Show us that your mercy and your support and your LOVE will always endure and bring us to victory over Satan as it did for your son, Jesus. Amen

Insecurities

How things can change in a matter of 2 days. I was on top of the world. Loving my life and loving everything that God has done for me. Now tonight I sit back and am hit with the full force of all my past insecurities. This little voice from my past is whispering. "You aren't good enough. You shouldn't even be here with them. They are better then you. You are fat. You aren't as cool as they are. Look at yourself. You aren't handsome or good looking. You aren't funny. You aren't a leader. Why even try? Why are you even here?" Those are some of those things that keep reoccurring in my mind. Its not that people are even saying this to me. It is just what I put on myself because of things people have said about me in the past. It sticks with me. I am not fully away from these things, and they are a reoccurring feeling I get every once in awhile.

Right now, I feel like I am not wanted and not loved. I need an intervention by God and I have been praying and asking for the past weeks for him to show his face to me and to intervene in my turmoil, but as of right now, I have got nothing. It is sooooo hard to be that solid leader of faith when you yourself are in a bad place. It just feels like to me right now that I am hurting and am full of pent up rage at myself. I am mad at the fact that I am not myself. When I become this insecure person, I build up walls, I lash out, and say hurtful or rude things. I make fun of people and say things that I would normally not say. In other words, I don't show the love and respect that every single person deserves.

I don't know how else to explain myself, but I am just not me. I have changed and it makes me angry because I don't want to be this guy that is quiet, shy, guarded, and insecure. It just sucks. I have been here before and I know this will not last long, but I neeed God right now. I just need that beacon of hope like a star in the dark sky to shine down upon me and lift me up upon eagles wings. I will get there, I know that because like I said I have been here before. I just need love and I need support.

I am more than these insecurities. As my friends of Tenth Avenue North would say, I am more than all of these problems. I just need to find myself again, which I know I will.

Hey God. I have some things I need you to wash away for me. I need you this morning to let your forgiveness and your love wash over me like a river and take away all of these insecurities that are weighing me down. I just need you God, and I need your love to fill up my heart because I am out of love to give. I don't feel the love of anyone and I am starting to wall myself off because of it. I want your love to break these walls down and your love to rush into my heart. I also want to thank you for everything because I know that what I am going through will strengthen me and prepare me for what is to come. We claim all of this as a victory in your name. Amen

Who Am I?

Well, hello all my brothers and sisters. I just wanted to write a little something that has been heavy on my heart over the past couple weeks and over the past month really. I think that some things lately have happend to self-examine myself and to find out my true self. So, in doing that I had to bring the question up to myself, "WHO AM I?"  If you would have asked me that question acouple weeks ago this is the answer I would have given you. I am Tyler Lee Schonrock. I just graduated from Blue Earth Area High School and throughly enjoy fishing, frisbee golf, football, and basically anything that involves sports. I also would have added that I am a Christian who loves his God and understands that he loves me.

Who Am I? Wow. I question that definitely has never crossed my mind before these last couple of days. Forgive me, but this post is going to be me trying to figure out myself and to find who I am. So a disclaimer there.

Anyway, I am a firm believer that the things we go through in our lives strengthens us and helps us be prepared for future endeavors. It says this in Isaiah 64:8:

"Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand."

In that verse, he compares the Lord to the potter and us as his children as the clay. Just like a hunk of clay on a pottery wheel, we need to be molded and shaped by a potter with loving and steady hands that will continually take the time to make us beautiful.

So who am I? Right now. I can tell you that I have no idea who I am. It's going to take time for the Lord to mold me into who I really am. He knows the kind of person I am now and the kind of person he wants me to be.  I know somethings about who I am though.

I know that I am an honest, compassionate, heartfelt, open, trustworthy, and a sense of humor like no other. But, I do know this....

I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS.

I am a hunk of clay that has not been fully made into that beautiful piece of pottery. God is going to take his time until each one of us is perfect to his standards. HE ISNT FINISHED WITH US YET.

Dear Father, I reach out to you this morning to ask for peace of mind as I realize that it is ok not to fully know who I am because I know that you are still molding me into the person you know that I can be and I thank you for being that continuous and steady hand in my life that cares soooo much about me that you will not stop molding me until I am completely perfect in your eyes. I love you for that, and I ask that you help us all to realize that we are all  work in progress because you are preparing us to be with you. Your love and care conquers all. Amen