Somewhere in between..

I'll keep this short, as typing on a iPod is not my forte. Also, not exactly sure where I'm going with this. I guess this will be more of an update than anything, so here goes: After that whole initial phase of going to college and having no idea what direction I was going to take with my life, I'm finding myself back at square one. Not really sure about my major anymore, but honestly, I can't really find any major that interests me. I just can't commit to doing one thing for the rest of my life. Not really my style. ;) On the topic of commitment, (What a segway!) I'm seriously driving my whole relationship-figuring-out-scenario-thing farther into the "Uncertain zone." Long, (extremely) complicated, and much too far from it's conclusion for me to blog about. Before I wrap this up, I'd just like to say that I feel incredibly old. I fell a couple months ago, screwed up my knee, and it still hasn't fully recovered. Coupled with my pre-existing foot injury, my right lower body mows has two joints that don't work like they should. On a good note, I've gotten past the point in my life where that would make me cynical and angry. Still not thrilled that I haven't been able to feel good sprinting in months, but if that is one of my more noticeable problems, I'm in pretty good shape. :) Like I told a friend of mine, if I focused on all the negatives, I wouldn't have time to enjoy the positives. Peace out everybody.

Rock Bottom

Well all who care to read this. I just want to thank you for taking time out of your busy nights or days to read this post. Anyway, Im going to talk about some pretty tough stuff in here so a little disclaimer about that. And as Timon would say off of Lion King, "And it starts...."

 Well the past couple of days have been as close to rock bottom as I have been in a long time. The last time I was down this low was when I first realized and was starting to deal with my pornography addiction. (Which if you were wondering has been going really really great lately, im clensed in that regard) Another time I was that close to rock bottom was when I had decided I was going to commit suicide, which was as a 5th grader, obviously I didn't go through with it because I am here writing this now, but I bring those times up because I am at the bottom right now. I have just been going through some hurtful and pain filled times right now, and I feel as though God isn't even here and why would he have let these things happen to me if he knows that all they do is cause pain. Well, tonight I sat out on the front stoop of my house and cried and cried and cried. During this time, I just sat and looked up as the lightning lit up the sky and thought to myself about my relationship with God. I came to the conclusion that I need to find him once again. I need to search for him, trust him, and put all my transgressions out there for him to see. I may be down here in rock bottom, but that does not mean at all that my God is not there. That beacon of HOPE I talked about in my last post is still there. I see it and I want to bask in its glory, so I am going to bounce back from this pit I am in and once again be in the light. I will break away from the dark. I will become a better man. I will be a better friend. I will become a more loving person. And finally, I will become a better me. With my God by my side always, anything is possible. I will strive to be better, and to live my life with the purpose of living for God and myself. God is great and can conquer all, and that is why I am going to give it all to him.

Im going to close with something that will hopefully lift up your spirits as well as mine. God puts these "Rock Bottom" moments so that we can more deeply understand and learn to love as well as trust him more deeply. The next time you are in the same place I am now just remember that these times are there to strengthen you and let you know that God is still there because the only time God can show is light to you is when you yourself are in the dark.

Be Grateful!

Hey there my fellow brothers and sisters! I just wanted to touch base with you guys and talk about something that really has struck a cord in me tonight. Just to be grateful for all of the things and people we have in our lives right now. I have just been struggling lately with some of these things because I have been going through a tough time lately. Just I feel like I'm not connected with some people that I should be because of walls put up and its frustrating because I need support and love and people I can trust right now. The temptations of my life, with the fear of the unknown, and the stress of graduation added all together with the connections not being made just have been bringing me down into a pit which has brought me to where I am right now. When being down here at the bottom I look up and see a light, that beacon of hope that we all see but just ignore sometimes. In that beacon of hope I see the things that I can be grateful for and only now in my time of darkness have I ever noticed such a light. I can be grateful for my family, my girlfriend, my friends, my community of fellow believers in Christ behind me, and the love of God to back me up no matter the circumstances! Eventhough these relationships we have with others may not be always perfect and may not always be easy, it is worth it in the end to go through the things we go through. Everything in our lives is worth our time, love and affection, it is just our job to be grateful for all the abilities, the turmoil, the excitement, the joy, the love, and the relationships we have with any and every single person we meet or become close to because we are not guarnteed anything in our lives. Be grateful and love on everything and everyone because that unknown and mysterious thing which is the end of our lives may be closer than most of us think. Let me close with this. Life is a precious and delicate, but it can also be cruel and heartless. It's our job to no matter the situation to recognize that beacon of HOPE, and to support as well as love our fellow people to be that kind hand that God has created each and everyone of us to be. Today I challenge you all to love on someone, support them, and be grateful for those in your life that you can support as well as be supported by. Amen