Rock Bottom

Well all who care to read this. I just want to thank you for taking time out of your busy nights or days to read this post. Anyway, Im going to talk about some pretty tough stuff in here so a little disclaimer about that. And as Timon would say off of Lion King, "And it starts...."

 Well the past couple of days have been as close to rock bottom as I have been in a long time. The last time I was down this low was when I first realized and was starting to deal with my pornography addiction. (Which if you were wondering has been going really really great lately, im clensed in that regard) Another time I was that close to rock bottom was when I had decided I was going to commit suicide, which was as a 5th grader, obviously I didn't go through with it because I am here writing this now, but I bring those times up because I am at the bottom right now. I have just been going through some hurtful and pain filled times right now, and I feel as though God isn't even here and why would he have let these things happen to me if he knows that all they do is cause pain. Well, tonight I sat out on the front stoop of my house and cried and cried and cried. During this time, I just sat and looked up as the lightning lit up the sky and thought to myself about my relationship with God. I came to the conclusion that I need to find him once again. I need to search for him, trust him, and put all my transgressions out there for him to see. I may be down here in rock bottom, but that does not mean at all that my God is not there. That beacon of HOPE I talked about in my last post is still there. I see it and I want to bask in its glory, so I am going to bounce back from this pit I am in and once again be in the light. I will break away from the dark. I will become a better man. I will be a better friend. I will become a more loving person. And finally, I will become a better me. With my God by my side always, anything is possible. I will strive to be better, and to live my life with the purpose of living for God and myself. God is great and can conquer all, and that is why I am going to give it all to him.

Im going to close with something that will hopefully lift up your spirits as well as mine. God puts these "Rock Bottom" moments so that we can more deeply understand and learn to love as well as trust him more deeply. The next time you are in the same place I am now just remember that these times are there to strengthen you and let you know that God is still there because the only time God can show is light to you is when you yourself are in the dark.