Words Hurt....

This week I have been thinking a lot lately about words, and how that the words we speak can hurt even more than a punch to the gut or can make you feel out of this world. Words are what I would call a "double-edged sword," meaning that they can be used to bring a person's spirit and demeanor up or can be used to hurt and defile that spirit that you just brought up. I have personally experienced these things lately, but I have been the source of the words, both good and bad. The bad like saying hurtful and spirit-breaking things in a joking fashion as a deflecting type shield in situations that I feel insecure about myself or awkward. I also tend to say those things just to get a laugh or to feel "part of the group," which is totally against what I stand for and I am totally starting to figure this out now.

In Romans 12:2 it says, "Do not conform to the ways of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." That is one of my life verses, but isn't it hard not to conform to what other people are saying and or doing to make yourself feel accepted? I think so, yea because we as high-school students are still trying to find our inner selves and get a grip on this huge thing called life that is put on each of our plates in our own way.

Sorry for this off topic tangent, but to me this is why I personally say some of those hurtful and heartbreaking things. I am not giving excuses, and I most certainly am not writing myself off as one of those "stand-up" and almighty Christian figures that doesn't say hurtful stuff to people because I do, and now after realizing that my words have probably effected people's lives in a positive or negative fashion, I feel as though things are going to change for me. I am going to remind myself every time that I even think about saying anything hurtful that I was a victim of such words in my day, and I know the effect it has had on my self-esteem and self-image. I still think that I'm overweight and that I eat to much, and don't exercise enough from those names I was called in upper elementary school. These toxic words effect people's lives even if you don't think they do....the hurtful things stick in the mind and stay with them through all of their days.

I want to end this with a verse from Proverbs 15:4, "The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit." The words of love and of uplifting spirit are what keep us going through our daily lives, but the words of hatred and despair that, I think we all have experienced in anyway shape or form, crush our emotions and our spirit as well as our self-esteems. I read that verse for the first time today, and totally felt empowered to work on this whole "word thing", I don't really know how else to describe it, and work on myself personally. To work on the words I speak, to speak words of kindness and love instead of throwing up the insecure blockade wall that is hurtful teasing. This will be a struggle, but I pray that I will become a better person and a better role model because of it.